Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Temporary Hiatus

The Savage Brothers are on temporary hiatus, traveling the world and getting into all manners of international intrigue (read:  just too damn busy right now to post).   Feel free to still leave comments or contact us with any ideas.

Oh we'll be back...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Guest Post: Ultimate Warrior (6)

Yes, he's hyper.  Yes, he's ultimate.   And yes, he's our Friday guest poster.   Let's hear what he has to say this week:


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Crying for Our Attention: Documentaries and the Oscars

Wanna feel bad about yourself/society for a couple hours? Check out pretty much any critically-acclaimed documentary ever made. They almost universally have the same bottom line: people are fucking up some aspect of the world for the long term (true), and people are too goddamn lazy to do anything about it (also true). Hell, as long as you have something to bitch about and a shred of film-editing ability, you too can make a documentary. Whether the subject matter is our ever-growing "carbon footprint" or the incompetence of the public school system, just make sure to follow these five steps:

Monday, March 21, 2011

Album Cover Captions: John Bult

- "It's'll be a woman in just a few years anyways"

- "You know, in some countries, it's not illegal for a 45 year old to bone a child"

- "I got bush"

- "Yeah, see the wedding ring? She don't mind."

- "Aren't you turned on by me bringing you, a mere child, to this bar where I'm drinking and smoking"

- "Yeah can we leave now? There's a school down the street and I'm not supposed to be within 200 yards of one"

- "'ll be a woman...soon"

- "It'll only hurt the first time..."

- "Your mom said it'd be ok..."

- "Gotta go honey...think I just saw Chris Hanson"

7 Celebrities Who Are Shockingly Not Mentally Challenged

We've all seen people on TV (even outside of The Wonder Years, Boy Meets World, and the imbecile-rich world of pro wrestling) where we had to do a double take. We had to ask ourselves, "Is that person riding the shortbus?" No, we're not making fun of handicapped people...just the celebrities who literally look like 'em. Frankly, we find the "oh, he's a retard" type of humor to be ignorant, uncreative, and ultimately, below our standards...that's not what this is. Hell, we're not even saying we dislike/like the given celebrities...these are all neutral observations that they look mentally disabled. Hey we're sensitive guys. Now, on to the Down Syndrome impersonators...

Bam Margera
We LOVE Jackass, but this guy resembles Corky's slow cousin.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Better Sundae: Banana Split or Brownie Sundae?

The Savages are more "meat lovers" (shut up) than "sweet tooths" but nevertheless we occasionally enjoy stuffing our faces with some delicious frozen dessert.  But if we're going classic, what do we choose?  The colossal banana split or the decadent brownie sundae.  Choices suck.

Banana Split:  You mean to tell me I can get chocolate, vanilla, AND strawberry ice cream all in the same bowl?  Covered in whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberry topping, and pineapple topping?  and crushed nuts? (shut up again). Yeah set me up...I'll take uhhhh...3 of 'em.  How the hell a banana found its way in there (sheesh this post is full of innuendo) is beyond me, but what the heck...bananas ok.  Plus it satisfies the inner health nut in all of us, squashing at least .05% of the guilt we feel from ingesting a 4K calorie bowl of pain relief.  So go ahead Savage Kingdom, order a banana split once in a while.  No use going through life without stopping to enjoy the simple things in life.  Booger eats 'em. Pretty sure.

Brownie Sundae:  Ohhhhhh slow down baby.  My personal favorite empty calorie delicious pile of crap, the brownie sundae fills you up with a gooey hot and cold concoction (just sounds perverted) worthy of two foodgasms.  The warm brownie combines with the frozen vanilla ice cream and hot fudge just waiting to take you to places that most men dare not dream of.  As you put the barely-washed restaurant spoon into this slowly-melting mound of culinary heaven, you realize that you made the right choice.  You also realize that you're basically adding a love handle within the following 15 minutes.  But that's ok.  It's healthier than being on heroin.  Bonus points to the waiter/waitress who can quickly get this dessert out to you still-frozen before he/she stops to check their Facebook wall on the way to your table.

So which one is it?  This Savage brother votes for the brownie sundae.  But I certainly wouldn't pout if all they had was the split.

Things Savages Like: The Fonz

Yeah, we like him. How could anyone not love the coolest greaser-type ass magnet since James Dean? So what if making a thumbs up is inherently nerdy? When The Fonz does it, we know all is well with the world. And inexplicably surrounding himself with complete fuckin losers? Just makes Fonzie look that much diesel-kickass. Is there anyone among us who hasn't tried jabbing a jukebox with the intent of putting our favorite song on? It inevitably ends with us sorrowfully realizing we're not in the same badass realm that Arthur Fonzarelli occupies.

With the snap of his fingers, he can accomplish anything, from changing the channel to leaving another virginal teenager in his wake. And is there anyone else in the universe who could pull off having their self-appointed "office" in a men's bathroom, and NOT have even the slightest amount of rumblings from the gay police? This guy oozes sex appeal to the ladies, and any man who tries to test Fonz's mettle quickly gets his dick knocked in the dirt.

This man has a code. This man literally jumps sharks. This man helped paved the way for cockiness to be a staple of being cool. This man is a role model.


Friday, March 18, 2011

Guest Post: Ultimate Warrior (5)

You need your Friday fix of the one and only Warrior? We got him...