SavageSpeak: Barzoon

And now we come to the next type of "person" in SavageSpeak...the Barzoons.   In case you're not familiar with the term itself, it's named after Eddie Barzoon, the attorney in Devil's Advocate (played by Jeffrey Jones) who got the everlovin' shit beat out of him in the park while jogging.  Why, you ask?  Well look at it...

Barzoons are everywhere. You've definitely seen them.   Let's go over some basic traits of the species so you'll feel comfortable identifying them with confidence on your next spotting session.   First, they have to be divorced.  Two divorces helps. This almost always stems from infidelity with some type of administrative professional.    They have to have the HAB (heart attack build - another Savage word).  An actual heart attack in their past is not necessarily a must, but is almost always present by default. They have to think they have a girlfriend.  They have to love scotch...love it...more than any other drink.  They even might maintain a gym membership to keep up the pretense of health, but in reality they have disgusting bodies and lifestyles.  They have to have a pretty successful office type job, but basically suck at life.  This is one of the reasons why their kids usually keep their distance.  This is one of the reasons why everyone keeps their distance.   Especially that young girl at the bar getting leered at by a Barzoon over his seventh glass of Glenlivet...