Monday, March 7, 2011

Savage Review: Angry Birds

Do Savages like games?  Yep.   I was a little reluctant to try Angry Birds since it had trendy geekbag written all over it. it turns out, the game rocks.  Basically, the whole point is to shoot birds with different abilities at some pig heads that are sheltered within variously shaped and strangely constructed houses.  Not full pigs, mind you.  Just pig heads.   Come to think of it, the birds are just heads as well.  Not even wings.  I guess that's ok though since you shoot them with...a slingshot.   Right.  A damn slingshot.  So I'm a grown man slingshotting some oddly shaped birds at some oddly shaped pigs...and I can't get enough.  Here's some observations...Savage style.

Pig Laughing -  What the hell is with the damn pigs laughing at you after every time you inevitably don't complete a level.  There's nothing more frustrating then already NOT collapsing the building and then having a little green piece of shit snickering and snorting.   I hate them.

Blue Birds = Dogshit - How disheartening is it when you see what birds you have at the slingshot and there's a damned blue one.  Or even worse...multiple blue ones.  Or even shittier...ALL blue ones.   Yeah yeah yeah, they split into 3 other birds...great.   So now instead of one falling shit bird I have three falling shit birds.   Marvelous.

The Birds Die - Isn't the whole point of the game to kill the pigs?   Well, even if you succeed in that, your own soldiers are kamikazing themselves into a small explosion of feathers.   So I ask you this...what the hell's the point of killing the pigs if you kill yourself in the process?   Perhaps the birds are just that angry...

Waiting For The Bird To Finally Disappear - So after I don't knock the building down in glorious Savage victory over the swine, I have to wait for the last bird (and sometimes the bird prior) to decide to stop tardily rolling around before I can go to the next level?  This unfortunately goes back to my first point of the pigs laughing, as it gives them ample time to giggle it up.  Fucking assholes.

Addictiveness  - The game's obviously absolutely addicting.   Just when you get frustrated enough by the swinesnickering, the shit blue birds, and the house not falling down like you planned, you end up finally beating the level. And just HAVE to see what the next level looks like.  And maybe just try it once...or twice...or twelve times...or stay up playing till 3 in the morning.

In all honesty, it's a great game.  It really is.   If stats are your thing, at the time of this post there have been over 30 million downloads on the Android platform alone.  Myself being one of them.  I don't see it slowing down anytime soon.   I even heard somebody playing it in the shitter at work today.   That's how you KNOW it's good.

From the Savage Brothers, we wish you the best of luck in your attempts to destroy the vile green dickhead pigs.  Preferably before they get too many laughs in at your expense.  And preferably before Dumps (the main fat pig) obtains swinevictory.


Post a Comment